Ex-change

I have endured my first ever boil. Where is it? Why, it's right on my face! Convenient place. I'm sure not to miss it there.

Living in Arnhem Land, I've seen and doctored many boils. They are gross, hard, puss-filled, weeping sores that are the stuff of old-testament fire and brimstone punishment. They are as bad as all that. If anyone should accidentally bump your boil, get ready for a shock wave of pain that will move through your body head to toe. When my boil finally burst, I enjoyed 30 hours of drainage (read: blood and puss dripping from the sore). And now, well, there's the gaping hole in my face. My ego says, "Ow!"

I've had a horrible time with my skin since adulthood. Or I've believed. Being a Chase entails poor circulation and hence slow healing. Blemishes often infect, and take weeks to heal. The fact that I'm impatient (a perfectionist) and try to help them along by squeezing or whatever, rarely helps. When I look in the mirror and see a blemish, I see imperfection. I feel dirty, ugly, old. I'm looking very closely.

How did I get this boil? Well. Naturally it started as a blemish that I kept touching, trying to hurry along towards perfection.

I had to go to town with my swollen face, at it's peak and oozing. I had been hiding myself all week. Seriously. When I heard a knock on the door I went to my bedroom to hide and let Randy handle it. But, I couldn't avoid this trip, and decided to bandage the boil and face it.

As I went about bandaging my face I saw something in the mirror I hadn't noticed in a long time: my eyes. They were deep blue. Soft. Compassionate. Forgiving. They told me I was hurting, but beautiful. I fell into them and felt a whisper in my heart: Back off. Slow down. Demand Less. Accept all, especially imperfection.

I am not the same.

We change, things change. Change is the only constant is it said. But change is only part of the story. In between every change is an exchange: a transformation. Things change, that's for certain. But change into what?

We decide, moment by moment.